It's not that I'm materialist, but...

There are WAY too many really COOL toys on the market today!

And not just children's toys, oh no. Many toys on todays market are aimed at the +18 market! Take, as a point of reference, the warning on the bottom of a toy advertisment I saw recently:

Warning: The Product Emits An Electric Shock. Keep out of reach of children. Not suitable for those under the age of 14. This is a novelty item, not a toy. May interfere with electrical devices such as pacemakers.

You see my problem? How can I resist such an statement! The words "Electric Shock" alone make me start salivating.

Alas, (or should that read, "Thank goodness"?) I cannot afford any of the following goodies. BUT, on the off chance that YOU can and would let me come over and see them, here are a few suggestions:

Airzooka Air Gun
This simple, battery-free device emits a powerful vortex of air (and Noise!) up to 20 feet across the room, savagely disturbing careful-sorted documents, destroying expensive hairdos, and scaring that heck out of your cat. $14.99
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/warfare/60b6/

Green Laser Pointer II
Not only is this laser pointer GREEN, and not completely-boring, runofthemill red, but the beam itself is visible, not just the point at the end. Perfect for presentation, stargazing, and looking like a wizard/jedi. $99.99
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/lights/5a47/

Marshmallow Blaster
Who of us can honestly say that we've never been in this situation: You're trying desperately to chuck marshmellows at friends/co-workers but your aim is off or you just can't throw it far enough. Worry not, fair citizen! Marshmellow Blaster to the rescue! $29.99
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/warfare/7b54/

And, for those of your who just can't wait to find out which product I was describing before...

R/C Laser Tag Shocking Tanks
Remote control tanks that shoot infared beams at eachother and register each hit by sending an electric shock into the hand of your oppentent. "Two shock levels (wimp and tough guy) are available. How brave do you feel?" "Handy wrist straps are built into each controller so that when you shock your boss and he freaks out and drops his controller, it won't hit the floor" $49.99
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/rc/7485/

Please let me know as soon as you order these, so I can set up camp in front of your mail box and let you know the instant you recieve your package. In fact, just because I like you, why don't you send the items to MY address, and then I'll be able to bring them to you! You won't have to worry about a thing!

=D

-Dave