Awkward

So I'm walking down the street today, from my office to the bank for some mundane transaction, and it's sunny and I'm in my own little world. I'm walking the back path behind the Millenium Library, there's construction off to my left, I'm shamfully avoiding eyecontact with street people that I've had a run-in with in the past, and someone in big sunglasses goes by. It's a nice walk.

And then I turned. I know that face, I recognize that backpack. I know who it is on the bike and I really want to talk to them. But I just keep walking. I don't think they saw me, and they just kept going, so I just keep going. But I'm thinking, Man, I wish I wouldn't do that. I want to call his name, but I don't. I'm embarrassed. How many times have I done that, only to have it be the wrong person (note: This is not a true thought--it rarely happens--but it is what I was thinking). So I'm still going, still wishing I wasn't, still looking over my shoulder. It was the weirdest thing.

Then I'm running. I'm running, trying to catch up. He's a bike, for Pete's sake, but I'm chasing him down. I think I saw him look back, and that's enough for me. I'm in a big hurry to get to the bank and back, but here I am running down the path like an idiot. Maybe the light is red, I think. I round the corner, and he's gone. Then he's back. He too had turned around on his bike, presumably to check and see if it was really me.

And we both stop and we chat, and it's great to see him. He went to college with Janie and me, and now lives here in the city. He asks me how I'm doing and I tell him. I ask him how he's doing and he tells me. I tell him about sleepless nights and baby showers. He tells me about a recent summer job that fell through and about going to school. I ask him where he's going to church, and he tells me he doesn't. He says that he hasn't had faith in a number of years.

What was funny was that I didn't really know how to respond, because I felt suddenly awkward, but at the exact same time I wasn't really that shocked. Now, don't get me wrong. I never would have assumed that this guy would ever have left the Church. No way. It's not that. I just thought immediately about how difficult my own faith has been these last few years. I thought about how just about everyone has a faith struggle in their 20's. It's textbook (which is not to say that it's at all easy).


My very first response was, Do I have a preofesssional obligation to try and "win him back?" But thankfully my next response was a very godly "Screw that!" I felt that nither my job nor my faith demand that I make people feel judged or rejected. And so we just talked. I did my best simply to listen, and to accept him. I think that's what I would want in the situation. I felt funny, but I'm not sure why.

When we parted, we'd said we'd get together sometime. He said Don't feel awkward that I'm not a Christian anymore. I did feel awkward, but not for that reason. I was in awe that he was so bold, so blunt and so honest. I felt that I, in contrast, am so typically reserved and distant. I felt awkward because I always do around people (most people, not all). But did I feel awkward about the whole faith thing? I dunno. Maybe. Maybe not.

Either way, I was very thankful that I'm not as "narrow minded" as I used to be, and that his decision did not "offend" me, as it would have in years gone by. Also, I was thankful for my faith and the strength that it offers me which has so often carried me through rough times.

So the question is, Do you pray for someone who probably doesn't want you to? Who probably knows that you will be, and potentially could resent that? I did, and I could have felt awkard about it. But I didn' t want to.

-Dave