Wednesday, May 31, 2006

janie Shy?

I went to a mom's group this morning with a friend. It was really nice to get out and meet some new people, and see crazy little kids. All those kids running around really assured in me that i don't want more than maybe three kids. The odd things was that while i was therei felt a little funny. I didn't know what to talk about, or when to chim into a conversation. I felt shy. I felt like i had nothing important to say, and that i was only a 'mother' and nothing more. I really didn't like this feeling. I don't know who i am. I have felt like this alot since having Corrina; the only conversation i seem to be able to make is about babies and stuff. Now, this isn't all bad, but when that is the only thing you can think of... well that just makes me a 'mom', and i know i am way more than that, and i want to be way more than that. I was reading a few books a bit ago, which helped me to think outside the 'crib' so i think i will just have to make more time for that again. I miss the world of education, organizing (maybe this is why i pounce on dave with a gazzilion ideas for things he could do at Church. I overwhelm him the things i think of, but i must just be trying to use some of my creative and organization skills.), planning, playing, socializing... i feel like i forget how to socialize. I kept almost asking all the women what they did/where they worked, and then i remembered 'wait, none of us work.. shoot, there goes that conversation starter.' Maybe this is a challenge to me to dig very deep and find out who i am. Yes, i am a mom, and am happy to be that, but i never ever want to only be a mom. I know my identity should be rooted in Christ, but i'm not going to be fake and say that it is. It will take a lot of digging and planting to be completely rooted in Christ, and i know it is a lifetime challenge. I want to be many things and know many things, and i plan on being them and knowing them!
Lesson of today: i forget how to socialize with new people. Funny eh?

Word out, for now

9 comments:

CoJu said...

Great to meet you Janie! I think being a new mom takes time to get into...you're probably more normal than you think. But it's also a good reminder to not just talk about kids all the time, even though that's an easy rut, maybe pattern is a better word, to get into...come again, it was great to have you!
Our garden plot is just near our house, and yeah, only $25/season to rent. It's huge too!
Gotta go, Luke's banging on his crib, I guess his nap is over!
Corinna

JAnie & DAve said...

Well, I for one am proud of you. You may not have been the "Star of the show" but you went. You went and you tried and that's awesome. And you do so talk about more than just the Baby, don't worry!

Love you!
-D

Sue said...

hihi

i TOTALLY FELT THAT at first with a large group of moms. however, it changes. and you finally force your brain to suppress all thoughts of "oh yes, baby did that" or "or, baby is doing this no!" and then you slowly and painfully try to recall what other people talk about...ummm...i cna't think of any examples just now....but you know...stuff. haha

it still pops up occassionally, but that's okay. :) we love the babes right? ! :)

talk again soon. keep trying, the Janie in you will NEVER be forgotten! you are way to original and cute and creative to be lost. :)

Sue said...

i put "no" when i meant "now" oops.

mammasita said...

Janie I know what you mean!!!!! All my friends tell me to shut up! But my friends are mostly younger then me, and then when they are all talking I dont say anything. sometimes when Im talking with them and I get into saying something else I feel bad. I dont know what to do either.
So. where is this baby group you went to, I still would like to get out and do something like that. Im always sitting at home with Elaina doing nothing. Its gets lonely even though Elaina is here with me!

justus said...

Janie, glad you got out. It is so helpful to get out and meet new people. I understand how hard it can be when you have a wee one. But, I think that it is then that you need to get out most. You need that adult time, a few adults to talk to in a day, instead of babytalk all day!

The Lord will help you with your shyness, and I am sure that he will lead you on the right path for this group, you will shine, and show your talent!

bre said...

dearest janie,

i don't think that there is even such a thing as shyness. i think its just a reaction to how everybody tells us we are supposed to feel if we aren't super comfertable talking to people. it is so normal that it frustrates me taht people have given it a negative term, "shyness." there are situations where we know what to say, and situations where we don't, and they are both ok i think. but i don't think we should ever feel bad about feeling either way. so be you! be shy! and struggle with what to say, that's awesome! i don't know why, but that makes me excited right now. let's celebrate you and ourselves and everybody's way of relating to people, whether it be "fun" or "shy" or whatever. there's no bad way, i don't think.

stupid society for making you feel bad! bad society!

JAnie & DAve said...

Thanks everybody! Life is an adventure, and i am at a new part on my adventure. It is a good thing to know more about myself, and this is part of that. Mother hood is a great time to learn about me and who i am, and even more, who i am going to teach Corrina to be! i want to give her confidence, and like alot of you mentioned, there is nothing wrong with feeling a little odd in a situation, all the time, some of the time.. whatever! Thanks everyone. I am feeling more normal today. I did nothing today and i feel great about it.

Thanks,
janers

Lori said...

Bre, I love what you have to say here. It's so true that society makes out shyness to be a bad thing. And I hate that, but I'm a part of it. I sure feel it, cause I'm not the most outgoing person ever, and I often wish I was, cause that's what people want, right? Interesting!!!
And Janie, I totally see what you're saying. The whole finding out who you are. I'm always like "shouldn't I have figured this out at least a little bit by now?"