It is Tuesday, December 20th. 5 more days until Christmas, and 3 more weeks until our baby is officialy due to arrive. I am not ready for either. Christmas: i have some presents, i have been seeing things that make me think of people, i am excited to share and to give... but i really do not feel like i have taken time to reflect on the stuff behind all the giving. Try as i might to minimize spending and chaos it still feels like i have to participate in the many giving rituals. I just can't stop, even if i want to! I really appreciate the roots of this time of year: St. Nocholas and Christ's Birth. They seem to fit hand in hand, however Christmas and Santa Claus sure do not. How do i appreciate my savior and share love with people without being a consumer that really just hurts children in china while trying to spread light to friends?! I love the fact that St. Nicholas gave gifts to people who did not have much. That's really neat! And i am very glad that Mary heaved and groaned and out popped a little Immaneul head! Marvelous (i would still love to see an authentic, researched, dramatization of the nativity... something that was culturaly accurate and where the animals weren't hip hop drummers keeping time.. anyone know of a play or story book?? Do you think Mary would have given birth in a birthing tent with female friends? One bit of research i did once told me that the manger was a ledge in a stone wall, not a cute little craddle-like wooden box... it would have been very cold and hard..) SO yes, Christmas. I hope i learn to love and always be a keeper of peace.
And the other major event that slowly draws near: being a mother, birthing a baby... Either way, i just do not think i am ready for that. I keep trying to imagine my days with an infant: odd sleeping hours, happy sad, happy sad, getting baby ready, getting everything in the car, using the washroom to change the little diaper, going slower in general. What a task! I know there is not really anything much i can do to prepare for this, and that somehow i will 'just know what to do', and it comes naturally... i really hope paternal instinct comes naturally too, cause i think i am going to need alot of Dave's help. Not ready!
Dave did make an excellent Santa. He is so gentle with children and talking to them and understanding them is a gift he has. I know they could feel his care through all those layers of pillow, red velvet and white hair! Thanks Dave.
I am going to find something to make for dinner now. I want to know more about St. Nicholas and stop caring about Santa Claus and lists. My cats really stink when they use the box... peewwwwwwweeewwww! The lower part of my stomache (muscles in the pelvic floor?) have been aching all day and getting up from this here chair is really going to suck. I think the baby is dropping and things are stretching. That's all.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Posted by DAve and JAnie at 4:47 PM