Wednesday, July 19, 2006

My House

If you walked into my house today you would see this:
-baby car seat
-cats tucked in around sandals and shoes, sleeping soundly
- recyling box
-shelf neatly arranged with large canvas storage bins (pretty blue, green, and cream!)
-a colorful kitchen with lots of orange and red
-clean dishes (most of the time, these days at least)
-plants, photos, and candles
-a colorful living room
-The personalities of Janie and Dave
You would see that i don't really have a color scheme (even though sometimes i try, it usualy gets taken over within days by other wonderful colors that i just can't neglect), that i do like to organize but i'm not always on top of it, and that i have alot of Martha Stewart Mag's, and a big stack of 'organization/decorating' books on our coffee table.

My house means a lot to me. Besides just holding my 'stuff' it holds my heart in a way. I am represented by my house in more than one way. I can express who i am through the colors and arrangements. I can show other people my family through photos and memorabilia, i can serve food and fill people's tummies, and i can raise my daughter here. But if i go deeper and think about why i invest so much time in making my house neat i remember a metaphor that someone once shared with me.
They said that we, our 'selfs', are like a house. Sometimes someone (or multiple people) invades that space and messes things up (there are so many different ways that we can be hurt in life, and most of us have been hurt and our personal insides have been invaded) and they usualy leave without cleaning up. They tear things off the walls, throw things around, track mud around, break precious items, and then leave without a glance back. They leave us with a great big mess to clean up, and alot of sadness about the mess. At one point 4 years back,I remember feeling like i was standing in a large, torn apart room, all alone, very overwhelemed with no one to help me put things back in their place. It isn't a mess we allowed or asked for; it is like being robbed (i have never had my physical house robbed, but i can imagine the feeling). For years i have been working on cleaning up my 'emotional house' by rearrange who i am, picking up odds and ends of broken bits and putting them back together, organizing my thoughts, feelings, faith, believes, relationships, and priorities. I have come a long long way, and things are kinda where i want them, although they shuffle daily. I have come to realize that i act this out more than i realized in my real house. Dave knows very well that i move things around alot, am always wanting something new to organize with, am constantly searching through books and magazines for inspiration, and i find it very important to have a tidy, put together (when i have the time of course) environment. I know that this is just a reflection of what is happening inside of me. I think this is good and it is a part of my freedom to heal. In our relationship dave really gives me alot of room to be who i want to be, and it does change from day to day, and thus so does our living space. The house that is me really is a happy place while i work on rearraging things.

I am young and have a long journey ahead of me. Sometime i forget that and feel like i need to accomplish alot in the next 3 or 4 years and i start rushing. But really, in 4 years i will only be 26! Wow. I have time to figure out who i am, where things belong inside of me, search for wisdom and inspiration, and invite people into my house. I know there will be a day when my house is pretty much back together, i think i am almost there. And as for now, I really think i can embrace the things that were knocked out of place without my permission, and the scars they left, because i really couldn't assure you that i would be who i am without the rearranging that has taken place. It is a 'good thing' (a little martha reference for you all!)
I love having people over, and more than that just being with people. I always like to open up the house that Dave and i have made into our home to friends, family, and strangers too. And, i am a pretty open person and i would love to continue to let you in the house that is ME as well.
Anyway, those are my deep and meaningful thoughts for the day. I hope you understand now why i am obbsessed with my house (and martha!) And of course, my house that is ME looks for most of it's "decorating" inpiration from The Lord and from friends and family who gleam rays of light as to who God is!

Here are a few pictures of Corrina swimming.

Last night we celebrated her 6 month mark by leaving her with out friend Candace and going on a date. It was a spur of the moment thing! We did a little shopping, walked around a duck pond, and had starbucks drinks. In the short time that we were stopped at Starbucks we saw 5 people we know from years past. It was great and we were blessed to be there at that time! Anyway, photos:


Tammy said...

you always have somehting so real to say. i totally understand your need for organization and neatness. ryan could tell you all about my 'issues' with the house. :) i alwys need to fix or redecotare or clean or organize.... to feel whole and normal.. we should get together and open an interior decorating company. you can do the creative artsie stuff and i will do the geometrical modern stuff.:) i miss you so much! love to see pics of that baby girl though.
love you jane

mammasita said...

Love the blog Janie,
It really makes me think. It makes me think in many, many ways. okay if I Can count right your 22 right now? I will be 22 in about a month. Wow you seem to have so much more accomplished then I do in life. Im so confused with life and what Im going to do with it. Who Im going to keep dearest to my heart. What I want to do for a living.
So much to think and do still!!
Anyways Im still up for swimming on friday! cant wait!

JAnie & DAve said...

Tammy-i always admired the way you worked with your hands to build things.. especialy wood work. You have the patience that i don't for making things square. A great talent! Do you make things anymore? I think one time when i called you were finishing retiling the floor. Stuff like that i don't even attempt (at least not without help!), but you great at renovations! So, i could come up with ideas, and you could make them, and our inner selves would grow from it all! yippy!

Keyra, all in good time my friend! Right now you are doing something wonderfuly important with your days: teaching baby elaina. Finding direction in life is difficult, and wow, am i sitting at a direction-less place too. We will chat, k? It is super great that you are taking a course right now. I bet that has your mind thinking in many many ways.

Rachel Z said...

Thanks for the challenge and reminder, Janie. I've been thinking lately about you and find it so cool that once we were "different" as to our age and place in life, but now we're much more the same. Who would have though we'd have babies within 6 months of each other. And of course we always knew yours would be so goshdern cute. Does that swimsuit come in my size? Love it!


Sue said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww, my gosh she is sweet and adorable!! Janie she is sitting on the beach by herself!! wow, did you ever see this day coming??? she is an independent woman already!! my goodness, what a doll!! :)

Lovely post. I have always enjoyed rearranging things in my house (and when it was my mom's house too, she didn't like that at all!! haha) and in my rooms. it feels so refreshing! I told someone that years ago, and they said that was a sign that i have low self-esteem or something silly like that. Saying pretty much that since i wasn't ever settled on the room being ONE way, i must be unsure of myself . ha.

Anyway, i would rather see it as having WAY TOO MANY great decorating ideas and creative thoughts to leave one place looking the same for very long!! ha.

thanks for opening up your inside-of-you house for us to see. :) you are an awesome inspiration of transparency!

Lori said...

Hmm, yes, very good thoughts about life. You're so deep and thought provoking, Janie. And just as you said in Maria's blog, it's from people that you are able to grow spiritually, and I find it's that way too. Even through your blogged thought about life, I can grow spiritually. It's so good. We so need community, eh?

Maria Jane Tuininga said...

Oh Janie...
I want a bathing suit that ADORABLE! so great. Brown is definitely my new favourite... sheesh.
lovin' it.

(na na na na na)

Thanks for your honesty!
And hey - cheers to YOU, and the madness, and the hope eternal, hm?
we'll be seein' you fo'sho'.